If Red-Eared Sliders Ruled the World

I was gardening today. When I pulled up weeds, sometimes worms or grubs would come along. I put the grubs aside in a can and let the worms go back home. A clever robin started following me and eating my worms. I made him go away. Those worms are important for my garden. He can go dig his own. Imagine, he wants to take advantage of my worms when they are at their most vulnerable! Brute, lazy ass. He can damn well dig his own.

I feed the grubs to our red-eared slider. That turtle LOVES grubs. He sees me coming, and thinks that just because I’m around, it’s grub time. So where is all of this going? Well…

Racism and other isms have a lot in common with gardening. If you don’t weed, a lot of shitty things grow. If you’re not vigilant and don’t get rid of the roots, the shitty things hide. If you let them grow, they conceal a lot of icky things like slugs and grubs. Weeding is hard work and it takes a long time to dig out all the roots, but you can’t quit until you’ve got them all. And you can’t forget to look under rocks!

Some weeds can look like plants you want. You have to be versed in what should grow in that area and then you can spot the weeds. I find that if you watch your garden, you will see volunteer wildflowers. Those are precious commodities. They are the natives that can survive climate changes and insect infestations and they make that garden so much more beautiful.

Yep, I think there should be a world turtle that eats all the grubs. That way someone would at least be in charge, even if it is a gleeful, grub-eating reptile.

“Hey, world turtle, come eat my grubs! And let the Master Gardener know my garden needs weeding!”

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